


Through Life and Death

by Gweargroal



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Frankeinstein AU, M/M, Not Really Character Death, Reverse Big Bang Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:33:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21880273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gweargroal/pseuds/Gweargroal
Summary: War is looming upon Altea and the Coalition. What can someone do upon the death of a loved one? Keith will do the impossible.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron), sheith
Kudos: 2
Collections: Sheith Reverse Big Bang 2019





	Through Life and Death

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Frankeinstein AU](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/544543) by ArdentKnight. 



> Hi reader! This fic is a collaboration with the amazing ArdentKnight for the Sheith Reverse Big Bang. It is based loosely on Frankeinstein, and I must say ArdentKnight idea was brilliant!
> 
> I am sorry for any weird syntax or grammatical errors, I will update a cleaner version quite soon. My brain is wired in French, and ArdentKnight is very patient with me and helping out to make all of it a bit clearer so it works better.
> 
> Still, enjoy!

Through Life and Death

"I've heard that our Coalition will probably be sent to the front in a few months."

Keith looked up from his book, brows furrowed and lips tightening. "Galran armies finally decided to march on," he finally let out, snapping his book closed, medicine studies now far from his mind.

"We both knew from the beginning, didn't we?" replied Shiro in a soft tone, watching the sun rays rest on the purple flowers blooming in the garden. He moved his gaze to Keith's deep violet eyes; it always mesmerized him how vibrant with determination they were. "The war won't end without every soldier giving it their all; every sacrifice is necessary to lead us to victory."

"Aren't you a close friend of miss Allura? Maybe she could put a good word in to her uncle to keep you at the Garrison instead of the Black Lion infantry?" Keith felt his face reddening as Shiro cupped his cheek, smiling calmly. It struck him how different they were, yet how they completed each other. Shiro's calm traits softened his inner turmoil.

"There's no one," whispered the taller man while moving closer to Keith, close enough to smell his hair, his other hand loosely taking Keith's before bringing it to his lips and leaving a soft kiss on warm skin. He loved Allura's garden simply for the opportunity they had to be together, not having to conform to expectations.

Keith broke his stance and let himself lean into his lover’s arms freely, feeling the soft clothes against his skin as he buried his head into the crook of Shiro's neck. There was no way he would let the other go. He was quite sure it was a bad excuse on Shiro’s part. "Will you promise me, at least, to try and speak to her, love? To at least give me time to finish my studies and join you as a Black Lion."

He felt the rumble of Shiro's chuckling. "I didn't know you wished to leave the Red Lion, Keith."

"If it means I can be with you, I would do whatever it takes," he breathed out, studying Shiro's soft features. He didn't mean to sound desperate, yet he could not quench the deep feeling of uncertainty that had settled in his guts.

And as gray eyes couldn't hide their sadness anymore, Keith let himself lunge forward and kiss chiseled lips with fierceness. The world stopped and air ceased to matter. The kiss deepened as they felt each other’s tongues, hands clasping clothes and shoulders, fingers ruffling hair.

Breaking the kiss to take a breath, Shiro realized his collar was unbuttoned and there were teeth nibbling at his neck, making him gasp. "I want you right here and now, dearest. It's been too long since we could be this close."

A moan escaped Keith's throat as he felt his lover grind against him, eyes half lidded as jolts of pleasure coursed through him. "We might not be left alone the whole time, however," he murmured, inspecting the red bruise on Shiro's neck with satisfaction.

"No worries there, we won't be bothered," replied Shiro with certainty, his voice husky. He did have asked Allura after all.

It was, at this moment, the most alluring answer Keith was ever given.

***

The mansion in which Allura lived always struck him as a fairy tale his dear mother used to tell when it was time to go to bed. Both of them sitting at the head of their bedding as embers warmed the room, he would gulp down her hushered words with bright eyes, clutching their pillow as if it was the only thing keeping him into reality. She spoke of grandeur and sumptuous houses they would live in when his father would be back, how he would have his own bed and soft blankets, food on the table every night that they would enjoy.

Many paintings were hung on the wall in between chandeliers, skillfully crafted vases and velvet curtains. Most were portraits; Alluras's family were beautiful people, prestance and grace dignifying their features. He stilled at the end of the hall, right before the massive wooden door by which Allura had disappeared moments ago, his attention rapt by an autumnal landscape, people walking and a market seemingly flourishing.

He remembered how they would walk until his feet hurt and his mother's arms would be too tired to pick him up once more. How she would knock on doors with him at her crutches, following her as she had searched for work. She found little from time to time – and he could marvel, on those days, at each place they would go to – before she told him he would have to work too.

As young as he was, he had not really understood her words. She simply said she would come back as soon as she could, for him to wait and work hard until they'd see each other again. He had believed for a long time, and at some point he just realized that she would not come back.

No one could explain her disappearance, yet his brain had given many reasons. Maybe she had found a new family was one of the first things he had thought of. But no, she loved him way too much. She might be taken prisoner from an evil lord as a slave, he wondered.

Shiro smiled to himself as he remembered how foolishly he thought he would free her. Growing up at the Garrison meant learning life the hard way. Not that Iverson had been unkind – he was a just man and he did the best he could with what he had to deal with. He simply made sure his soldiers would be ready for any tasks ahead. Despite this, death was tied to any living, whoever they were.

"Ah, Shiro, thank you for your patience," came the assured tone, startling him from his rêverie.

He smiled sheepishly, ruffling his black hair with a swift motion, before bowing slightly to Allura as she exited the room. "No, do not apologize, please. I definitely understand how busy you must be." He eyed the many men and women who had gone their separate ways, all clothed with far more embroidered and luscious fabric than his military uniform – even the one for formal events – would ever be.

A click of her tongue made him flick his eyes back into her bright blue ones. "No need to be so courteous and polite with me, Shiro. We've known each other for years, and after the various _demands_ you ever asked of me," the corner of her lips lifted, her eyes narrowing in a playful manner, "I see no reasons for such formality between us."

He felt his ears turn red and he adjusted his collar as he cleared his throat, suddenly it was stiffer than it should be and keeping him way too hot. 

She laughed. "Now, now. Follow me. You shall keep me company in the library, a little quiet would be nice after having such tumultuous arguments."

Shiro's high boots clapped rapidly behind Allura's fine shoes as he shuffled to follow her. "Or so I heard! Preparations for war are not an easy task, while also dealing with diplomatics." He wasn't sure how she managed to walk such a fast pace with elegance.

She clasped her hand in front of her as she turned one corner, nodding at servants they passed. "We might be a far branch of the royal family, but my father used to have enough ties that I can work something out."

He held the door for her as she opened it, gesturing her to enter before him. She chose the cushioned chair she wanted to sit in, adjusting her hair as Shiro took the one right in front of her.

The scent of books and wood hit his nose, the quietness making him husher his words, as if frightened to disturb the silence. "If I may ask, have Lotor been able to make any wedding proposals? Pardon me for my bluntness and making you feel this distress once more," he added as he saw her trying to hide her pain, her shoulders slouching almost unnoticeable, "Yet I worry for you. It has been ages since the young Galran Prince has made an appearance. You know better than me how the rumors go about the marching of the enemies troops."

"And I thank you for your worries, my dear, really." She tried to smile, but it only came out in small grimace. "I sadly am unable to tell you more. The last letter I received was quite clear about his father deaf to his words. Alas, writing back seems perilous for now..."

Shiro eyes lit up, suddenly animated by a new vigor. "Let me help you, then!"

She could not keep her eyes from widening, before she frowned. "What are you suggesting?"

"You were surely aware that my infantry will be sent to the front very soon. I can try to bring your letters to him."

Despite his contagious determination shining through, she held her ground. "I do not understand. Didn't you want to please young Mr. Kogane by having a more strategic post here in Altea?"

"Allura, doing this could mean helping end this war. If he knows how much you will support an alliance through this union," he let Keith words resonate, "It would mean saving more people than just a few."

She smiled, impressed. "I must say you are quite convincing. Let me think this through before I accept."

He nodded, now realizing he was standing on the edge of his seat. He let his head rest in his hand, elbows against knees. "If you do accept… there is something I must ask of you," he let out, hoping it would not sound too bold of him.

She rolled her eyes playfully, "I knew you were not here to offer me so candidly your help. Why do I feel I gave you exactly what you were looking for?" She took a more comfortable position, her legs propped up along the cushioned chair while her upper body rested against the armchair. "I'm listening."

She couldn't help but smile as he grinned. He took furtive glances behind him, just in case he had not realized if anyone had entered the room. "You are one of the very few people we, Keith and I, shared with the depth of our love. 

"Since I am being called upon the battlefront, I- I must be truthful and say I am afraid of everything it will entail. I would love to have of your help to organize something special, if it's not too much of an ask."

She stood up abruptly, taking his hands in hers. "Do not say more, dear friend. I will do so, whichever my decision about your offer will be."

***

The first time Keith had met Shiro, it was through the Garrison. He knew he was not an easy one, probably much more trouble than he was worth for. He was angry and most of the time alone, and it satisfied him. He just wanted to study his books and learn everything he could on the human body and everything related to its chemistry.

He would not let anyone else die like the doctor had let his dad meet his death with such suffering because he had chosen to love a Galran lady. He would make a difference to whoever he would meet, Galran or Altean or any other. One did not merit to be left aside because of his heritage.

He knew what that was like. To be put aside, ignored and judged. So when this older soldier came around and offered honesty and sincerity, he did not understand. Surely he would eventually leave like all the others.

He was too weird and too studious, yet it was exactly those two aspects that earned him praise and attention from the superiors while at the same time being exactly what he was reprimanded for, as he kept his own ideas, tried techniques and wanted to explore passed their boring parameters.

But Shiro was just Shiro. He was not testing him as you test a dog and see if it does what you required of him; it was playful challenges, being there as a friend and this friendship helping you get the best out of yourself. Escapades outside of the Garrison were their own adventures, a moment they shared and opened up, reeling with excitement as they might get caught.

"What do you see for yourself, Shiro," he had asked nonchalantly, gazing at the sunset.

One eyebrow rose with suspicion, followed by a small scoff. "Where does such a line of questioning comes from? Are you letting the chatting get to you, Keith?"

Keith crossed his arms on his chest. The wind blew freely through his white blouse, having taken his adjusted vest off for more comfort. "I don't know, I might be. Would it be a bad thing?"

Shiro softened, hearing the worry through his voice. "Certainly not. On the contrary, it will help you decide what you want to pursue."

Keith eyes locked into his, staring with an intensity that made Shiro feels exactly why he was so close to Keith. "Lo and behold, what is it then that you want for yourself? You are not answering my question."

A 'tsk' was let out. "I do not find this very fair, you cornering me like this. Fine, fine," he chuckled as his friend's eyes narrowed even more. "You deserve my honesty, dear Keith, as I, surprisingly, does not see having a wife in my life."

Surprise could not be hidden on Keith's face. "I find this hard to believe. Surely you are mocking me, as most of them talks of your closeness with Miss Allura." Two beautiful people of – albeit different yet full of prospects – good positions, it would make for a grandiose wedding. And no one had seen yet the litter of kids they awaited for.

"Do not give regards to what people say, unless you have serious doubts. Nonetheless, it was something that we indeed discussed, her and I, but it was not me. I want to stay true to who I am, with no shame."

Shiro moved closer to Keith, turning toward him to watch myriads of emotions flickering one after the other imperceptibly on his face, his lips twitching, his eyelids *fluttering*. Deception, confusion, uncertainty, hope. "And what made you be so certain that having a wife was not such a thing to pursue?" he whispered, deeply afraid for the answer, still badly wanting it at the same time.

He was so close to Shiro he could take in how *lushed* his eyelashes were, how his eyes were a mixture of specks of gray and very little of blue, how his skin had at some point suffer from a small skin conditions that left some faint traces. "Because who I love differ too greatly of what they await of me."

Keith took a leap of faith, crushing his anxiety and nervousness of being repulsed by the sole person into whom he trusted since his father. The sole person who took the time to get to know him, to be there, to listen, to share. Because inside of him he knew it was who he meant to love.

They kissed, hot searing lips crushing against the other, opening and playing, tongues darting and discovering those feelings they felt in their guts. What they had imagined so many nights before, never guessing that they were right. And they took what each other had to give ardently, knowing that they wouldn't be able to be so close under scrutiny.

It was a memory Keith savored and kept close to his heart. It was one of those that he took with him at night and imagined Shiro close to him, skin against skin, sharing the same bed night after night in a place they could call their own.

He dreamed about it more often than he would be willing to admit. And this resurged when Shiro wanted him to dress exquisitely for an afternoon at the outskirts of the city. He had chosen for him a fluffy white blouse with an open collar under a tight, high coat shimmering of gold broideries, fitted trousers and his cleanest high boots.

He tried to not let his imagination run wild when he realized that Hunk had been sent to pick him up, adorned with clothes Keith never thought he'd see worn by the blacksmith. "Simply enjoying the countryside, right outside of town, so it seems," he let out, unable to contain his smirk.

Hunk tried to look convincing, "You know, like what you do usually, nothing much." He knew he was such a terrible liar.

Keith looked outside the window, smiling for himself. His stomach started to churn when they finally turned around a few bushes before engaging themselves on a small venue, passing under a wooden arch decorated of white and purple flowers. The same from Allura's garden.

He could feel his hands shaking as they entered a small, intimate garden parsemated of those same flowers, right in front of a small house. To join Shiro, he had to walk under three wooden arches, with Hunk reassuring him that it was worth it and Allura greeting him with a wide grin.

Taking Shiro's hands into his, he tried to find words, only be bound by silence. He could only smile widely, grinning madly, feeling tears at the corner of his eyes. He was barely able to discern Shiro in his whitest military uniform, his black hair contrasting like night and day.

"I will gladly accept your silence as a success, my dearest."

"Please do," is the only thing he could choke out.

Keith bit his lips as Shiro knelt in front of him, still holding his hands. "Dear Keith, I am proposing to you.

"I am proposing to you not as a man who seeks a wife, but as a man who seeks a partner with whom I will partake my life with. Today, I want you to know I have heard what you dream of, and that I share this same dream. I want to be close to you everyday, despite our duties and society.

"This house will be yours as it will be mine, and we'll make it ours day after day. While I'll be away, please come and wait for me when you feel alone. I will come back to you, always."

Keith stance shifted as he ruffled his hair, freeing one hand, before covering his eyes for a moment, his head slightly shaking from right to left. Shiro yelped with surprise when his lover let himself fall into his arms, enlacing him tightly. "You should have warned me, I would have had at least something to say," he whispered.

Shiro smiled sadly, tightening his embrace over the lean man, feeling against his cheek soft black hair. "I know you were against me leaving, and I hope you will pardon me for it."

"How could I hold it against you, love," finally answered Keith, cupping the other man's jaw with his hands, "for only doing what you always do best. We'll be there for each other and we will free this world."

***

It was not long enough for Keith before Shiro had to leave for the war. Despite the distance between the city and their house, it was a whole new world opened for them as they spent as much time as they could offer themselves together. He ignored his colleagues remarks and how his face reddened when they mentioned he must have met a delighteous woman for his temper to change. Sometimes he wanted to snark back how delightful of a man Shiro was, but he simply bit his tongue and let them think what they wanted.

The day Shiro left was one of the hardest since his father’s demise. “Write as much as you can,” he had pleaded against his will, holding back his demand for him to stay.

Shiro could only answer with an accolade, holding him in his arm a bit longer than what a friend would have done if someone knew what it meant. “I sure will, dearest,” he had whispered back in his ear, smelling his hair one last time.

Waiting was the worst. Waiting for the first letter to arrive stressed him out. At least he knew no threat had befallen him for now. He focused himself on his studies, enough so that he finally was able to have his own lab, not bothered by his coworkers anymore. Or more so they were not bothered by his snarky retorts.

“I want to transfer for the Black Lion regiment,” he had dared ask Iverson on those rare days his superior visited him. Unable to ignore the older man eyeing his research and autopsies on corpses, looking doubtful, brows furrowing for a moment, rising on others, he had gritted his teeth before finally blurting it out.

“I would need to verify any advancement so far. It is not possible for me to promise anything, and you need to understand that when the frontline breaks, it will be numerous wounded and deceased at our doors.”

He barely contained himself from breaking the the pen he held between his fingers, trying to keep a clam demeanor. “I do know that." Had he truly tried to not be snarky?

If his superior was bothered by his retort, he did not let it show. “And this is exactly why your presence here is most needed.”

Keith looked away, focusing on his papers, hands closing in fists but still resting on his work table. “So you’re telling me-”

“I am simply stating how it will be. If it goes differently, we will adapt.” If it had been Shiro, Keith knew Iverson would have let a hand on his shoulder as to be reassuring, but he was no Shiro.

A knock on his door broke the awkward moment. “A letter for you, Doctor Kogane.”

He nodded at the postman, taking the letter with more haste than he would have liked to show. “If you don’t mind, Sir, I will resume my duties.”

"I understand. Let me know of any progress on the deconstruction of Galrans science." 

Closing his door with a swift movement, he was finally left alone; his impatient fingers worked to open the bare enveloppe, biting his lips, the corner of his mouth lifting when he saw the elegant cursive written on thin paper.

_To Keith,_

_I know it has been a few days since I left, and I'm quite sure this letter will arrive even later than I would like it to. I hope I have not given a harder time than you are already facing, my love._

_I arrived safely at the first command base. A part of the Green Lion battalion was already awaiting us. We are supposed to move toward the South as we will reach the second command base, where some of the Blue Lion are already stationed._

_We shouldn't have any problems until we reach the Blue Lions. Galrans are way farther into the territories for us to meet now. The pace set by our commander is unforgiving, but we do want to get them by surprise._

_You should see how nature changes once out of Altea, yet the stars stay mostly the same. I hope we can stargaze together once more when I get home. Keep looking at the starry night, we are never apart._

_With love,_

_Shiro_

That day, he left the Garrison sooner to reach their house, reading the letter more times than he could count, until he found himself sprawled onto the grass, bare foot, wearing ampler, more comfortable blouses than the one he wore when he knew it would require him to socialize. Gazing at the stars, he imagined Shiro doing the same, as if he was at his side. He could almost curl up his fingers and feel his lover’s hand in his.

“When will you write him back?” challenged Hunk when Keith gave him an impromptu visit one afternoon. Cleaning his face with a damp cloth, he rolled his eyes as he saw his friend taking a seat on the top of his table, “The messenger his leaving quite soon to the front, and the borders have become quite turbulent lately, I’m sure you know.”

Keith caught the cloth Hunk threw him playfully, sighed and chose to sit on a chair instead. "I do know, you musn't remind me."

Hunk put plates of bread, cheese and butter in front of them both, sitting next to the smaller man. "Then do write! Tell him how you've missed him, and what's happening in your life." He took a bite out of a piece of bread, studying how Keith seemingly getting distant and closed off, barely nibbling a piece of the nicest cheese he had bought.

"I just wish I could be there. I feel the tide of events are not going to be favorable. Miss Allura seems apologetic for something I am not quite sure of." Hunk hummed. "I… she even mentioned to me that if I ever wanted to officially wed Shiro, it could be possible."

Brown brows rose, eyes widening in surprise. "Really?"

He dared smile, shrugging, finally eating his piece of cheese. "Or so it would seem. Let's just hope everything goes well."

_To Shiro,_

_I wish you could see how my heart is filled with joy and love as I read your words. I write to you at a desk I set in our bedroom, in our home. I wish you could be there with me and enjoy the quietness and tranquility it offers in contrast with the city._

_The Garrison has given me the opportunity of working on my own projects in my own lab, and I feel I will be able to be sent on the next deployment. They are starting the preparations as of today, and I should soon hear about it._

_Words are that it is getting quite turbulent on the borders. Please tell me that you are safe. I have not been able to sleep well in the last few days. I look at the stars and I think of you._

_When you come back, please let us officially marry. It seems like Miss Allura has many secrets, and it seems that she can find us an official who could do so. Unfortunately, we would need Prince Lotor's help, when the war is over. Supposedly Galran laws are lenient on this matter, and since I am half-galran, we could wed under their laws. I am quite sure she finds me silly._

_With you always,_

_Keith_

He found waiting between each sent letters was even worse, each passing day being a step further toward peace or destruction. The country was also feeling the tide of war as many Alteans protested against Allura trying to reunite with the Galran, escalating to a breakout in the light of day. Keith found himself unable to properly eat and sleep, fearing himself to be subjected to hatred, although he knew he was privileged to not be recognized compared to the other civilians sharing apparent traits with Galrans.

News of the trap their troops were subjected to reach them. Keith worked harder, put time into preparing to be deployed next and honing his skill as a dispatched medic and chemist on the field. However, he dreaded that they also prepared to take care of their soldiers, as it would mean he probably wouldn’t be able to get the clearance to be deployed on the field.

When the postman came back, it was with wounded and deceased. Being ranked just below the head command of his unit, he had to also be one of those reporting the deceased to their families. It tore his gut each time he had to witness their pain, their wails, their sobs or just utter shock, making him afraid of what he could find waiting for him at the end of it.

The passing day made him feel like it would never end. So once he finally received the next letter, he quit the meeting he was attending, not caring for his fellows protesting. His lips became a thin line as he saw how the writing was a bit fudged, yet Shiro had kept the paper clean.

_To Keith,_

_By the time you will receive my response, I am pretty sure you will already have heard the news of the Galran encounter on our way to the third command base. I am well, but it is not without pain. Sadly, we lost many soldiers in the attack, and our hope to engage them at our advantage is futile._

_I have received both of your letters, and it gives me hope and joy to my heart reading you, warming my body and making me smile despite the cold and the ravages of the war._

_I want you to know I am not alone and have met two bright young people, Pidge and Lance. They are quite fast in their thinking, and they are a light in those dark days. I miss our friends and hearing you laugh._

_I do not give up upon seeing you on the battlefield as I know it is your will. But Keith, I fear that what was supposed to be a quick conclusion to a senseless war was an illusion._

_I am safe and I love you,_

_Shiro_

He was startled by a colleague calling for him, “Doctor Kogane, everything alright?”

He didn’t turn around. “Yes, I’m coming,” he muttered, wiping his eyes and hiding the letter in his pocket.

That night, as he settled down on his porch, gazing at the stars whilst trying to find the right words, hearing faintly Hunk whistle in the background as he cleaned the dishes inside.

_To Shiro, my love,_

_How I wished you never had to leave. Receiving your last letter qualmed my fears, although I feel your pain and I wish I could be there with you._

_I do not know where to start. The first bodies and hurt soldiers arrived yesterday. I was not able to keep my hands from trembling, and despite thinking it didn't show, Hunk offered to stay with me tonight. He made a pie I am quite sure you would have loved._

_Me leaving for the borders are delayed as there is so much to do to treat the survivors and the deceased. I am angry, as I feel I am letting you down and how such things had to be done for us to have peace._

_There was an attempt on Miss Allura's life. Do not worry, she is safe, although quite shook. What is even more perturbing is the fact that it was an Altean that tried the irreparable. My anger is vivid, and I definitely wish they sentence him properly._

_I wish I could send you happier news and to not burden you even more than what you already have to face and what is to come. I thought of not telling you, but I feel keeping this from you would be out of bad faith._

_To the moon and back,_

_Keith_

Organizing and taking care of people coming back occupied him. He found himself feeling restless when he took breaks; it was better if he just went and keep going from the rising sun until the rising moon. The number of times he couldn’t do anything for another one of his comrades made his heart beating madly, and he found himself pushing his research even more.

He knew violence raged, he heard of this Black Lion bringing the troops further in - Keith had a good guess of who it was. He found himself reaching into obscure books he found in the Garrison Library, able to decipher some of the pages written in Galran. He had to understand what they did to their soldiers that kept him from saving them.

The lack of letters left him cold and wary, empty and lost. It befell him a foggy morning, having barely slept and surely looking disheveled when a postman reach found him in his lab. He had not bothered to make it back to the house for a few days now, sleeping closer to work where he felt he was needed.

_To the love of my life, Keith,_

_I don't know if you will receive this soon enough. We are in deeper unknown than I previously feared._

_I am doing everything I can to come back home. I am not alone. Thanks to Pidge I can write you. Lance reads me your letters._

_I fear it might be the last letter you receive. I asked Lance and Pidge to bring me back home if I can't._

_Know that I love you. I dream of our wedding at night. You are beautiful. You braided your hair. I put flowers in them. Purple like your eyes. It's sunny, and full of laughter. Everyone we love is here. Your mom. Mine._

_I am sorry to be unable to keep my promise to you. Check under the creaking staircase. I've hidden my will. There will be everything you need. Keep your dream of helping people._

_We'll find each other once more, dearest,_

_Takashi_

His eyes hurt from the numerous days he had cried, clutching at the letter. He tried to get news of Shiro through others, but it went with no definitive answer. Apparently the chaos ensured at the last tip of the war resulted in people unable to know who had slain Zarkon, which Galran was still an enemy and which was an ally, how many soldiers they still had account for.

To say that seeing the remnants of their troops come back made his skin crawl was an understatement. They had finally won, yet he did not feel any joy hearing the news. He hid in the morgue, assessing what was to come. There was one place left to check. His stomach felt heavy like lead as he scanned through the room, eyeing with weariness each body.

His feet made the first steps without him registering. He felt cold, his hair rising on his skin despite wearing his lab coat over his stiff clothes. It was as if air barely made it to his lungs, each breath feeling scarce and short.

The room was closing on him each time he got through another row of bodies, the lights dimming as his eyes focused on the bright white sheets covering them. He stopped without knowing who it was. Deep down, it was no mystery. It was simply a macabre tragedy. His letters had gone unanswered, and the last one he was given by the two soldiers who must have been Pidge and Lance told him everything.

A numb hand lifted the cover on its own volition, despite Keith heart hammering in his chest and his mind yelling at it to not make a movement.

How he kept his composure, he could not fathom it. His once lustrous black hair were now parsemated with a tuft of white one. They had butchered him. He had not been able to write because he missed his arm. He had not been able to read probably because of all the blood he might have had in his eyes from the gash across his nose, near the junction of his eyes. He must have been lying on the ground when they found him, there was no possibility for him to have moved around as battered as he was.

And he was still hoping to come back home.

Oh! It was all Shiro to keep hope in this finite situation, was all Keith could think. He hugged his chest, trying to stifle the pain crushing him, trying to contain the sobs escaping his throat and keep his body from shaking.

How long he stood there, only his legs giving up under him could tell. If he had been on the field he could have done something. He grit his teeth and forced himself to face his lover once more, gripping the gurney to help steady his wobbling stance, forcing himself to touch the riggor mortis body as if trying to wake him up.

"I will save you," he breathed out, desperate. "You can't be dead. You are still there." He dried his tears before looking over his shoulder, feeling like a thief. He had studied too hard to let this go and do nothing.

Covering his tracks was the most obvious task he had to deal with now. There was so many deceased still unaccounted for, Keith just had to make Shiro missing in action. He would convince the others later. No one knew yet. And they never would.

Hiding in their house, he hid away from people, from their friends trying to be there for him. He worked days and nights, transferring his lab equipment and surrounding himself with all of the books he had needed over the years.

He was sure Hunk passed by a few times, knocking on his door, leaving plates of food on the porch. Even Allura, once, who was quite insistent to come in, urging him to take care of himself. But he kept them at arms length, not letting them in.

How could he be able to explain that he had chosen to defy any common sense and commit actions they would consider unethical. It was better to go to the end of his choice than not living with Shiro.

It was only a matter of time, and time was of essence. He knew Shiro's body had to be kept under specific conditions if he wanted to pull him through, which was the hardest as he probably had already spent too much time in this state. He tried to ignore the anxiety from seeing Shiro's hair turning whiter every day.

His cracked lips hurt each time he licked them. He was quite certain he would have permanent wrinkles on his forehead from furrowing his brows so much. He tried to stop scratching his neck to ease the chaffing as he stressed over the result. It had to work. He was almost there.

Sometimes when he turned his back he was sure he heard him take deep, raw breath. Only to turn around and seeing no life. Other times he would have put his hand on fire that he had seen his eyes open for a few seconds before closing their eyelids once more.

"Shiro, don't worry, I'm here. I'm going to save you," he whispered, a hand clutching his lab coat over his heart as to ease the throbbing pain, so tightly his knuckles turned white. "I'm not giving up on you, Shiro. This time I'll be there…" he murmured, a promise he intended to keep, as he caressed his face delicately, afraid of hurting him.

He saw him breath. His rib cage expanding very slowly, before breathing out at the same pace. Two, three, four times. Keith eyes widened from shock. He had done it. He grinned defiantly, quite sure if he did not watch himself he would fall from exhaustion.

"Takashi," he croaked out. Gray eyes flew open. "Takashi!"

Yet there was no movement other than the breathing. There was no life in those opened eyes. No recognition. Yet the head turn toward him and fixed him without moving.

Something shifted in Keith's mind. Fear crept in. "Shiro, it's me."

His lover tried to open his mouth, only to let out gurgles and wrenching sounds, blood seeping out. The older man tried to get up only for the skin to tear and organs spilling loose onto the floor.

“No!” he yelled. He threw himself to the ground, taking bloodied organs and shoving them back into the body. “No, no, no, no...” he kept repeating as mantra until he was unable to keep his gnarl in. “No... No!” He wiped his forehead to sweep his hair he hadn’t cut for so long blocking his vision, not caring for the streaks of blood on his face. “Stay with me,” he whimpered, his voice breaking, walking on all four to reach Shiro’s shoulders, his clothes swamped in red.

“Kei-” gurgled up Shiro as Keith gently took his lovers head on his lap, wiping away his own tears that fell on Shiro's skin, leaving traces of blood.

"I'll do anything."

“Keith,” was repeated with tenacity.

He felt a hand gripped his forearm with strength. 

Keith woke up drenched in sweat, tremor coursing through his body. He still felt the impression the grip left on his arm. He looked for Shiro in a panic, until he realized he had fallen asleep in his books after he had attended his lover earlier.

He got up and flew down the stairs two by two. Maybe it had not just been a nightmare. Something pulled him to go and check.

He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw through the dim lit room Shiro’s huddled form sitting on the edge of the gurney, unmoving. He tried to steady his breath and scrubbing his eyes. It was not a dream this time.

“Keith…” The tone was weak but full of relief, Takashi sole hand reaching for him.

A watered stare met an unfocused one, Kogane’s instincts drove him to take the cold hand in his. “Oh, my love. I’m here,” he ushered, enlacing the shaking man.

“Keith, you saved me. I dreamed you were trying to reach me, and when I finally was able to move, it was as if I died a second time.”

"I was there."

"You saved me." Shiro tried to pass his hand in those oh so long, black hair, but he felt numbness in his muscles. He could not remember if they were always this long. They should have had flowers through them.

The loss of accuracy did not go unnoticed. "I do hope so. Come, let's take you somewhere more comfortable. I'll bring you clothes and blankets."

Shiro let himself brought upstairs into a nice bedroom. He was so tired, sore and confused. Images flashed in front of his eyes, he could hear screams and felt pain where his other hand should have been.

It was not long before he fell asleep and as Keith watched over him, the younger man could not shake away those moments where he saw no recognition in his partner's eyes. It still felt as if he was touching the cold skin, even though his hands hid in his pockets to try to keep warm.

Oh, but how had he missed him. He could not let this nightmare take a hold of his mind. Stripping, he took a place at his side, in their bed, but refrained from touching him upon the coldness of his body.

Despite the fatigue, it took him what seemed like an eternity before he could find a restless sleep. Time would bring them closure, would it not?

***

Shiro was like a puppy discovering life, bathing in the sun, enjoying walking in their courtyard barefooted, gazing for hours at the night sky.

Keith took a hold of his hand by his side, resting his other under his head as he wondered how it would be to swim among the stars.

"We used to do enjoy this, didn't we?" He smiled at the curious violet stare he was given. "I remember, that's all. I used to tell you how much I would love to explore the universe with you, if it was ever possible."

Keith chuckled. "Yeah, we did. And I still do."

A shooting star caught his attention once more. "I told Pidge and Lance I would come back home and find you. And I did." He let out a contented sigh.

Black browns knit together. "When you were away?" But Keith was given no answer.

Sadly, he could not ignore how this constant feeling that something was wrong nagged at him. Sure, Shiro smiled and carried on although pain clearly brought him down.

They made different thesis as to why his skin did not warm up, even though his heart was beating. Simple actions were to be relearn, other times his patched up body was not answering and it was as if he had to fight to free himself once more.

What scared Keith the most was those moments where Shiro stood very still, fixing him with this deep anger, his sole hand flexing open and close. And this time, as he had just woken up, his eyes still blurry from sleep, shivering from having hugged his lover all night, he almost had the impression his eyes glowed purple.

"Shiro…" he started, rubbing his eyes as he stood up to reach him, "Please, come back to sleep. It's still very earl-" A hiccup of fright escaped his lips as he was grabbed by the collar of his nightgown with no ceremonies. Toes tried to keep contact with the ground, while fingers tried to pry open the strong grip. "Takashi, it's me!"

He was hurled across the room, his body colliding with the library as if it was a ragdoll. Recoiling on himself, his vision menacing to make him throw up, he still took a defensive stance as he tried to stand up, hissing as pain flared up from his ribs.

Very slowly Shiro marched toward him, each step heavy, just like someone who would walk into deep water and forcing against the current. "Sh- Shiro. Fight it!" He moved to clear himself from the corner he was stuck in, waving under the punch thrown at him.

He found himself losing his balance as muscles and ribs protested at the movement. He rolled from his stomach to his back, not having time to search his breath, yet fast enough before a second punch hit the floor right beside his head.

Facing his lover nose to nose, he could watch his own perplexion into those dark pupils. There was no point in hiding his fear. He never had to be someone else for Shiro. He could be all of himself, with all his quirks and his temper. "I love you," he let out, taking a shaky breath, "With all my life."

The fist stilled and Shiro blinked, eyes watering. "dearest, I'm… I'm so sorry." And what was supposed to be a third punch became a trembling hand cupping Keith face, softly nudging it to the left. "I hurt you. I-" Realizing how he held down the smaller man with his body, he moved himself away, taking steps back, holding his hand and arm in front himself in horror.

Limbs shaking, Keith's jaw tensed at the expression of disgust Shiro had of himself, ignoring the sharp pain and the blood from his right side. "Please, love, you are no monster. I am the one who put you through this, because of my selfishness." He closed the distance between them on his knees, dared slide fingers through the soft white hair.

Shiro game hugged himself, turning his head away from Keith's hand. "You should not be alone with me. Whom of our friends know of this?"

His hand rested on a shoulder instead, ever so closing the distance Shiro imperceptibly installed by hiding in the corner. "They cannot know, love. It's too soon."

Shiro steeled himself. "Find someone. Anyone."

***

If looks could kill, Keith was quite sure he would have died in that instant. When he had finally taken contact with Hunk, it was not long before all of them, including the Galran Prince, to be on his doorstep.

Allura seized him with her perching blue eyes, wondering how much of intelligence truly had this young, foolish man. Settling on ignoring him, she turned to the slouched form of her dear friend who had sat patiently in the living room.

How he used to be so proud and determined, qualities she failed to find as she inspected his scarred face, delicately holding his chin. "Look at me, Shiro."

Hesitant gray eyes finally held her gaze. "What do you see?"

Her features softened, letting a reassuring smile painting her lips. "Only you, dear friend." She turned to Keith who was pestered with questions from Hunk. "You should have let me in, Mr Kogane."

"Why didn't you tell us, Keith," added Hunk, still taking in every piece of the puzzle. Keith threw him an apologetic look. He had lost weight and had dark circles under his eyes, long hair not helping his emaciated features.

"How could he have, really?" intervened Shiro. "No Alteans ever tried anything like this that I know of. Without Keith, I wouldn't be alive."

"And you shouldn't be." Everyone turned to Prince Lotor who had not uttered a word since closing the door after all had entered. "Those who try end up as mad as the poor reanimated one. You both are lucky, if we can call this luck."

"You played it dangerously low, young man," reiterated Allura, still not believing her eyes. "We have no other choice than to keep this under cover. Prince Lotor has offered to help you navigate your new life, Shiro."

His eyes lit up with hope. "I just don't want to hurt Keith again."

"For you two to be up and talking, I do believe you will be fine," deadpanned the Prince. He was not in a mood to explain anything. "But in under no circumstances, for now, should you walk among civilians. I will come here a few hours a week, as much as my duties will make me able to do so."

Shiro bowed his head.

"Thank you," muttered Keith, crossing his arms over his chest. He grunted when he was elbowed by Hunk, but didn't change his attitude toward the royal.

A white brow rose, but a smirk was all he was given before he did not exist again in Lotor's world as the tall man turned to Allura before opening the door. "I shall go, my Dear. I still have much to do."

She nodded and smiled. "I will see you for dinner." When the door closed, she let out a sigh, turning to the other three. "Really, through all of those diplomatic situations I have to deal with, you are lucky that Galrans are more open than Alteans over this."

"And I am definitely owing you for your help," replied Shiro. He did not feel better about this whole ordeal, and he wished he could change what made him this way.

"I will be there to help you out, if you want," offered Hunk. "I might be a blacksmith and an average cook, but it'll be my pleasure."

Sleeping was the biggest activity he would do. The presence of Hunk was a nice addition when Keith had to resume his duties at the Garrison to alleviate any suspicion, the house felt less like a maze of memories to go through.

He did not understand why sometimes he felt trapped in his own body, unable to make it move while it acted against his will. He had not hurt his lover after the biggest episode, and he was glad for that. Lotor simply said that it must the strong connection between them that helped them out, albeit he might always have to deal with his body reacting strangely.

"Parts of dealing with foreign culture and science," muttered the Galran, scribbling notes.

"If I may ask, Lotor... how is the situation advancing upon the reconciliation and unification of our respective countries."

"Hm. It took you quite a while to finally ask about it. Your lack of formality is quite interesting. Is it because you just remembered, or is it something that pulls at you deep inside, waves of memories from before your death?"

Shiro was at a loss. "I'm not quite sure. Keith mentioned it, and I remember our desperate assault against your father. I suppose it could be both."

Lotor studied him for a moment, taking in how Shiro's body, despite having been dead for several weeks, had kept a good composition, as showed the way his scars slowly faded to a normal healing. He believed it probably had something to do with what one of the druids had thrown at him, which could be why his hair had turned white, coupled with the ritual Keith had done. "If it gives you any relief, I trust your people enough that they will accept us for who we are, and I firmly believe my people will put Zarkon's reign behind them."

He let out a breath he didn’t know he held. “It kind of does.”

The shoulders of his aquaintance were still tense. He didn’t like to ask, but he knew how Alteans were, always taking detours to say their words. “Is there something else you would like to ask before I make my departure.”

It always took him aback how direct he was, not asking but demanding. “Actually, I would love to know how it would work if… Keith and I were to marry.” It was one of the few times he’d seen him smile, even if barely.

“I can arrange something. We still have a few treaties to work on, but let me persuade a few people. There are old laws in your country that were a way for people of different allegiance to found families, in old times. They were put aside once things escalated between our people. The fact that your partner has the same blood as mine should help.”

A sing song voice made itself heard. "I have a surprise for you!" Hunk face could be seen through the partially open door.

"Here, I will leave you to your shenanigans. I do not fear for an aggravation of your case. Give yourself time." Facing Hunk who had finally entered the house, he barely nodded and step sideways in long strides.

"I am terribly sorry to you both. I do hope I am not of any inconvenience."

Shiro shook his head, standing from his sitting point on the table. "Do not worry. Tell me what brings you in."

Hunk beamed. "Something I worked on with friends."

"Oh? Which friends?"

He kept silent for a moment, before whispering, "Do not tell Keith, but Lance and Pidge could not let this story go. They tracked me down, and… I had to do something," was all he could say to defend himself.

Shiro was bewildered, but not surprised for the determination of his war comrades. "Haha! So you just let them in?"

"Ah, this matter is not of importance. Supposedly they saw indescribable things on the battlefield, and it quite convinced me, seeing the actual outcome." He felt bad for making Shiro go through back what seemed painful memories.

Gray eyes narrowed. "I… think so. I don't remember everything very well. And it won't ever be the case, I believe." Even remembering everything concerning Keith was a challenge.

"I am sorry to have brought up the subject. Here, let me show you!"

Outside awaited two people, and Shiro realized they were Lance and Pidge, arguing as they used to do when they worked together. Hunk cleared his throat.

"It is true!" exclaimed Pidge, blanching.

"But, you were..." Lance could not complete his sentence, eyes widening as he saw the scars on his arms and his face, and how real it was that Shiro walked among the living.

He scratched his head, nervous. "I know. I... am glad you are both safe."

Pidge adjusted her glasses. "Are… you well?"

"I will be. Thanks for asking."

Lance smiled, realizing all the more how important it was. "With our help, there's not much that will stand against you!" He opened the box he had left at his feet.

"How-" A hand pat him on his shoulder.

"It's a prosthetic. I realize it is a bit ungracious, yet I do hope it'll be of any usefulness for you," said Hunk as he grabbed the metallic member, signaling Pidge to help him install it on Shiro's amputated forearm.

"Lance is the investigator of this idea, when he learned how you, hum…" she struggled with one strap as she continued the explanation, "let's say survived. I drew the idea, and Hunk made it to the best of his capabilities."

The way it worked was something he'd never seen before. In their world, where science bordered magic, it seemed his friends had came up with an effective tool. He could close his hand and open it, even move one finger or more at a time. Even if he could not feel any texture when he touched something, it felt amazing to be able to grab with both hands.

"That's… impressive! How could I ever thank you enough?"

"Just don't die again, would you?" Lance yelped when Shiro caught him off guard with his arms, using his newly found mobility to scratch playfully his head, laughing.

***

Lotor had been right. Days passed and he found himself to be more in control. He still did have moments where he was trapped, anger seeping through his body, yet he never attacked Keith again, though he knew his eyes still glowed purple in rare occasion.

Still, Keith never left. The fact that his lover would even wear multiple clothes to snuggle him up over night was endearing. He even found out how hard his loving partner could be, grinding in his sleep against him.

It stung to realize that there were parts of his body would not comply anymore. He feared kissing Keith would break any semblant of relationship between them, because of his body, of how he had changed. And however he tried to move away in a fashion that would not rose suspicion for Keith each time he wanted to kiss, it failed. 

The latter was starving of skin to skin contact. Of kissing. He enjoyed holding hands and simply having each others' presence, he still he wanted more. "Kiss me, love." It was a demand.

Shiro had turn onto his other side so to face him as they laid onto the bed, moonlight lighting their bedroom. "Aren't you afraid?"

Brows furrowed. "Of what?"

He bit his lips. "Me," he breathed out. "Because I scare myself, even. Therefore, you must also be scared. This is what my mind keeps telling my heart."

A gentle hand stroke his temple, followed the socket of his eyes until one finger rested at the tip of his nose, tapping it once. "Silly you. Oh, love, if you could see yourself the way I do."

"Then tell me."

Keith smiled, letting his hand rest on Shiro's bicep. "I see a generous man, unafraid of giving all of himself for what he believes is good. A tall and strong silver fox, who makes more than one lady turn her head to take a look." Shiro chuckled.

He had not seen it this way. As he focused on their recent city excursion – Allura had made official that Shiro had been rescued as a Galran prisoner, and brought back home – he did make it in his head that people stared at him because he was scarred and horrible, having a machine instead of a hand. He knew he had been brought back from the dead. Maybe they did too. On the other side, Keith had seen it as people stared because they were intrigued, curious, caring for one of their soldiers who had risked his life.

"Is that all?" he dare ask, anxiety letting place to curiosity.

Keith hummed, pensive. "I see a brave man working hard everyday to do everything he would like to."

"And what is it that I would like to do?" As he stroked Keith's back, he slipped his hand under his layers of clothes, seeing him tense from the cold touch, yet his eyelids shuttered and a small, appreciative moan escaped him.

Keith managed to get closer, knowing very well how Shiro had no way to not be aware of his building erection resting against his thigh. "You want to be able to chop the wood logs yourself. You want to be able to take care of our house, make food easily," he felt the hand grope his ass, making him shudder, his hips pushing against Shiro, "and to take care of me, as I would love to take care of you if it ever happens to be feasible once more."

Shiro moved as to roll their bodies so he stood over Keith, resting on his elbows. "I do want to take care of you, dearest. Tell me if it ever feels wrong to you."

"Kiss me, now," he asked, his hands roaming over his lover's back, gripping at muscles and shoulder blades.

Shiro muffled Keith surprised moan with his mouth just as his knee pushed against him, eliciting pleasure in his groin. If Keith had thought he would be served a timid kiss, he had thought wrong. Shiro was devouring him, biting his lips and playing with his tongue.

They rolled onto the side once more, Shiro's sole hand making its way until it grabbed Keith’s erection, his lover breaths sharpening as he stroked it.

"Do you like it."

Keith rasped. It was not a question, the husky tone in which he had demanded. "Y- yes, I do. It's, haa, been so long."

The coldness coming from Shiro was not bothering Keith at all, whereas Shiro definitely loved the radiant heat rekindling his body. He did not feel aroused by any of this, yet he still felt a satisfaction of pleasuring the one he loved. To feel and see him lose his demeanor, thrusting with slickness between his palm even more as he approached his climax.

It did not last long. He kissed him with more tenderness as Keith went through his release, shaking and panting, cheeks flushed red and his body sweaty.

"Thank you," he breathed out, his heart beating madly.

Shiro moved a strand of long, black hair away from Keith's face. "No, I thank you for showing me."

"Please let us wed, Shiro. Even though you are scared, I promise you, I'll be there. Time and time again. We’ll save as each other as many times as it takes." He was rewarded with a smile.

"Will you put flowers in your hair?"

A click of the tongue. "Why do you think I haven't cut them, yet?" He grinned as he heard Shiro laugh.

Shiro was the one who braided his hair, even though his mechanical prosthetic made it a bit messy. He loved to put each flower exactly how his mind would remind it, a mix of purple and white. “You’re magnificent, dearest,” was all Shiro could say as they both looked at Keith’s reflection through the glass.

He bit his lips, unable to keep himself from smiling. Wearing a white pearl vest embroidered in gold, beige trousers and his nicely waxed high boots, he felt that the scrawny look he had mellow in for the last few months finally behind him. “I do look good, and as much as you I believe, love.”

“Even more so than me is what you mean,” he replied with a low voice before kissing his lover’s neck. Shiro was wearing a red vest also embroidered with gold, with black trousers and his brown high boots shining.

He was more than glad for Lance, Pidge and Hunk for their help, the first two designing their outfit and the latter making their rings. “Ready?”

Keith turned to him and caught his arm. “More than ever.”


End file.
